Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Lord Save Me From Vista
I never thought it was possible to hate an inanimate object as much as I hate Windows Vista. It is undoubtedly the bane of my life. Being forced to use this cursed excuse for an operating system is tantamount to torture. The US government should scrap water boarding and just force detainees to use Vista day in day out. I’d confess to having crucified Christ just to get away from it. I often lay awake at night praying to God to give life to Vista just so I can hunt it down and slaughter it like the pig of a thing that it is, and I’m an atheist, that just proves the depth of my hatred. I hate Vista so much I found God.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Lady Ga Ga Me Hole
Seriously.
If you don't want people looking at you, stop dressing like a cunt!
Look at me!
Don't look at me!
Look at me!
Fuck away off and put on some pants.
Junk Mail Love
Just got this junk mail proposition ...
Hello my new friend! You probably will be very much surprised to my letter. And where I could find your electronic address. One of these days I was registered a site of acquaintances. And today to me from him there has come the reference with your address. In it it was spoken, that we with you harmonious pair. And I have decided to write to you this letter. My name is Elena,
So far so good. Elena might sound like Yoda's daughter but I give her the benifit of the doubt ..
It continues ..
me of 27 years. My growth of 168 sm,
Hey hold on there Yoda, you have a growth of 168 sm? I've no idea what an "sm" is but that growth sounds fuckin huge. It's a real whopper and may need medical attention....
.. my weight of 53 kg. I the quiet, romantic girl. I want to meet in the life the present love. In my opinion, At all a variety of nationalities occupying our planet. In the world there is that uniqu person, With which I can find happiness and family rest. My dream, it to create family, To leave in marriage for remarkable the man, to give birth to children.
To leave in marriage? We haven't even met yet and already you're tubbed and planning on fucking off and leaving me with the wee ones.
... and together with the loved person To aspire to bring up ours with it children that they became the most remarkable people. Actually I very modest girls and vulnerable.
You very modest girls? How many of you are there?
To me to not like, when people to face speak one, And behind a back another is completely.
Shit I think my brain just broke. Elena just got existential on my ass...
.. and I think, that from the very beginning of ours with you of acquaintance. We should be fair with each other.
Yes we should be fair with each other, Yoda or Elena or who ever. Fair would be not talking in tongues yeah ...
As in the first letter, I want to send you the photo. I hope that it to like you.
I'm sure your photo will love me, sure why wouldn't it...
If you were interested with my letter. And you as well as I want to meet the present love in the life. That I think to us with you it is necessary to begin ours with you acquaintance. Who knows, it is possible we are really harmonious with you. Also we shall create the best in the world a pair.
Harmonious acquaintance indeed I think. But figure Yoda/Elena needs to lay off the crack pipe. Then I notice the sending address is from one Levi Jordan and any urge to harmonize our acquaintance quickly dissipates ....
Hello my new friend! You probably will be very much surprised to my letter. And where I could find your electronic address. One of these days I was registered a site of acquaintances. And today to me from him there has come the reference with your address. In it it was spoken, that we with you harmonious pair. And I have decided to write to you this letter. My name is Elena,
So far so good. Elena might sound like Yoda's daughter but I give her the benifit of the doubt ..
It continues ..
me of 27 years. My growth of 168 sm,
Hey hold on there Yoda, you have a growth of 168 sm? I've no idea what an "sm" is but that growth sounds fuckin huge. It's a real whopper and may need medical attention....
.. my weight of 53 kg. I the quiet, romantic girl. I want to meet in the life the present love. In my opinion, At all a variety of nationalities occupying our planet. In the world there is that uniqu person, With which I can find happiness and family rest. My dream, it to create family, To leave in marriage for remarkable the man, to give birth to children.
To leave in marriage? We haven't even met yet and already you're tubbed and planning on fucking off and leaving me with the wee ones.
... and together with the loved person To aspire to bring up ours with it children that they became the most remarkable people. Actually I very modest girls and vulnerable.
You very modest girls? How many of you are there?
To me to not like, when people to face speak one, And behind a back another is completely.
Shit I think my brain just broke. Elena just got existential on my ass...
.. and I think, that from the very beginning of ours with you of acquaintance. We should be fair with each other.
Yes we should be fair with each other, Yoda or Elena or who ever. Fair would be not talking in tongues yeah ...
As in the first letter, I want to send you the photo. I hope that it to like you.
I'm sure your photo will love me, sure why wouldn't it...
If you were interested with my letter. And you as well as I want to meet the present love in the life. That I think to us with you it is necessary to begin ours with you acquaintance. Who knows, it is possible we are really harmonious with you. Also we shall create the best in the world a pair.
Harmonious acquaintance indeed I think. But figure Yoda/Elena needs to lay off the crack pipe. Then I notice the sending address is from one Levi Jordan and any urge to harmonize our acquaintance quickly dissipates ....
Racism In Ireland
What a great little country we live in. Cead mile failte, land of a thousand welcomes, just so long as you’re white and speak fluent English. Yes I watched Prime Time on the idiot box last night and sensationalized as it undoubtedly was it still left a bad taste in my mouth. I’m well aware that there are some emigrants who are milking the social welfare system but let’s not tarnish all emigrants with the same well worn brush. There are plenty of Irish people doing the same thing.
We’ve always had an ample sense of bigotry on this island fed by years of torment at the hands of our near neighbors and historical oppressors but that was somehow accepted by the population at large. Skin color was less relevant we just hated the English, a national pastime, and sure wasn’t it great to have a hobby.
With the exception of the man who was hidden by a tree while he launched a tirade of vitriolic abuse at an African running for local government the most ignorant and rabid of those interviewed on last night’s program seemed to be either on their way to score heroin or on their way back. Their jaundiced complexions and nasal tones attesting to the fact, spinning the mantra straight from the Idiots Guide To Racism “Yeah all dem foreigners coming over here stealing our jobs” and this from a couple of vacuous fuck-tards who probably never worked a day in their wasted lives. How short the memories.
I’m incapable of fathoming how any Irish person can be critical of emigrants. Are we, the Irish, not the most nomadic of nationalities? Our ancestors are flung to furthest corners of the Earth and we expect to be accepted and taken into the fold of each and every nation we choose to inhabit. Yet we treat those emigrating here with contempt. It appears that what’s good for the goose is not in fact good for the gander.
Those non-national non-EU people working here are to have the rules under which they can work curtailed. The government, in their infinite cuntishness, are to introduce a clause whereby the honest and hard working emigrants are only allowed to stay in the country for three months if they lose their jobs. They will not be allowed to apply for another job unless it has first been advertised for eight weeks. Thus removing all hope of ever finding another job. So they have three months in which to find employment but they can’t look for the first two. How very Kafkaesque of our fearless leaders. Deportation by stealth.
There are reported to be over 80 million people in the Irish diaspora and if they we’re all deported back to Ireland the fucking place would sink. We truly are advancing as a nation, we’re no longer just a bigoted shower, no, now we can add racist and xenophobic to the list too. Welcome to Ireland but mind you don't stay too long.
We’ve always had an ample sense of bigotry on this island fed by years of torment at the hands of our near neighbors and historical oppressors but that was somehow accepted by the population at large. Skin color was less relevant we just hated the English, a national pastime, and sure wasn’t it great to have a hobby.
With the exception of the man who was hidden by a tree while he launched a tirade of vitriolic abuse at an African running for local government the most ignorant and rabid of those interviewed on last night’s program seemed to be either on their way to score heroin or on their way back. Their jaundiced complexions and nasal tones attesting to the fact, spinning the mantra straight from the Idiots Guide To Racism “Yeah all dem foreigners coming over here stealing our jobs” and this from a couple of vacuous fuck-tards who probably never worked a day in their wasted lives. How short the memories.
I’m incapable of fathoming how any Irish person can be critical of emigrants. Are we, the Irish, not the most nomadic of nationalities? Our ancestors are flung to furthest corners of the Earth and we expect to be accepted and taken into the fold of each and every nation we choose to inhabit. Yet we treat those emigrating here with contempt. It appears that what’s good for the goose is not in fact good for the gander.
Those non-national non-EU people working here are to have the rules under which they can work curtailed. The government, in their infinite cuntishness, are to introduce a clause whereby the honest and hard working emigrants are only allowed to stay in the country for three months if they lose their jobs. They will not be allowed to apply for another job unless it has first been advertised for eight weeks. Thus removing all hope of ever finding another job. So they have three months in which to find employment but they can’t look for the first two. How very Kafkaesque of our fearless leaders. Deportation by stealth.
There are reported to be over 80 million people in the Irish diaspora and if they we’re all deported back to Ireland the fucking place would sink. We truly are advancing as a nation, we’re no longer just a bigoted shower, no, now we can add racist and xenophobic to the list too. Welcome to Ireland but mind you don't stay too long.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Deli Horror
I went to Dunnes for a roll at lunch time. I’m not proud of it but I was hungry. I asked the wee woman behind the counter for a roll with chicken and cheese. Chicken and cheese she asked, yes I said chicken and cheese. Confident that my request had been processed by her I wandered off to get my pint of milk. When I returned to the deli she had my roll all wrapped up and I was on my way.
When I got back to the office and un-wrapped my chicken and cheese roll there was only chicken. I was fucking livid!
I took my chicken, no cheese, roll back down to Dunnes and confronted the half sized dumpy wee fuck of a yoke with the evidence. I requested a very simple roll I said, it only required that you remember two things for no more than two minutes. Two things, I said, chicken and cheese, if you’re asked for only two things and reminded of them twice and yet still forget one of them then what does that say about you I said, and shoved the roll back under her nose to further prove my point.
She squinted at it from under her glasses like I had handed her the end of my cock. Well we all make mistakes and I’m not in the habit of been spoken to in that tone of voice by the likes of you, she said in a superior, I’m this side of the counter kind of way. I stared at her as I weighed up my options, but I'm afraid my anger over her insolence got the better of me.
I reached over the counter and grabbed her by the scruff of the neck. She lurched forward, her body paralysed by surprise. I grabbed her collar with my other hand and in a flash she was sliding down the outside of the deli counter, my side of the deli counter like a clothed drunk walrus. I was giddy with rage as her floppy meaty head hit the tiled floor. I dragged her back from the counter raising her upward, by the back of her collar, as I went. When she was almost on her feet I gave her a series of upper cuts to the underside of her chin. I thumped and thumped her work mates screamed and screamed, someone shouted for security and I thumped and thumped.
Eventually I felt her head get mushy her face started to droop like the bells palsied fuck nut that she was. It was only when her white deli hat started to turn a dark red that I realised I had thumped the top of her head off. I had liberated what meager brains she had from her cranium.
I stopped thumping and threw her backwards toward the counter which she hit with some considerable force. Her hat went north smearing the counter with brain matter as her dumpy little cheese forgetting body slid south.
I could still hear the moans of her work mates as I left the shop. I think tomorrow I’ll make my own fucking sandwich.
When I got back to the office and un-wrapped my chicken and cheese roll there was only chicken. I was fucking livid!
I took my chicken, no cheese, roll back down to Dunnes and confronted the half sized dumpy wee fuck of a yoke with the evidence. I requested a very simple roll I said, it only required that you remember two things for no more than two minutes. Two things, I said, chicken and cheese, if you’re asked for only two things and reminded of them twice and yet still forget one of them then what does that say about you I said, and shoved the roll back under her nose to further prove my point.
She squinted at it from under her glasses like I had handed her the end of my cock. Well we all make mistakes and I’m not in the habit of been spoken to in that tone of voice by the likes of you, she said in a superior, I’m this side of the counter kind of way. I stared at her as I weighed up my options, but I'm afraid my anger over her insolence got the better of me.
I reached over the counter and grabbed her by the scruff of the neck. She lurched forward, her body paralysed by surprise. I grabbed her collar with my other hand and in a flash she was sliding down the outside of the deli counter, my side of the deli counter like a clothed drunk walrus. I was giddy with rage as her floppy meaty head hit the tiled floor. I dragged her back from the counter raising her upward, by the back of her collar, as I went. When she was almost on her feet I gave her a series of upper cuts to the underside of her chin. I thumped and thumped her work mates screamed and screamed, someone shouted for security and I thumped and thumped.
Eventually I felt her head get mushy her face started to droop like the bells palsied fuck nut that she was. It was only when her white deli hat started to turn a dark red that I realised I had thumped the top of her head off. I had liberated what meager brains she had from her cranium.
I stopped thumping and threw her backwards toward the counter which she hit with some considerable force. Her hat went north smearing the counter with brain matter as her dumpy little cheese forgetting body slid south.
I could still hear the moans of her work mates as I left the shop. I think tomorrow I’ll make my own fucking sandwich.
No More Slagging God ...
This was in todays Independent....
By Dearbhail McDonald Legal Editor
Thursday April 30 2009
JUSTICE Minister Dermot Ahern has defended the introduction of a new crime of blasphemous libel, stating that a new definition was required by the Constitution.
Speaking after an Oireachtas committee meeting, Mr Ahern yesterday defended a fine of up to €100,000 that will be imposed on blasphemers.
The Government moved to revive the crime by placing it onto a fresh statutory footing following advice from the office of the Attorney General.
Gardai will now have the power to seize blasphemous material from the home or any other premises used by a person convicted of blasphemy.
The proposed law flies in the face of a recommendation by the Law Reform Commission which said in 1991 that there was no place for such an offence in a society which respects freedom of speech.
There are fears that the new offence may be used by fundamentalists to crack down on publication of material perceived to be injurious to faith.
If they ever come to my house I'll be jailed for life!
My thoughts were ...
By Dearbhail McDonald Legal Editor
Thursday April 30 2009
JUSTICE Minister Dermot Ahern has defended the introduction of a new crime of blasphemous libel, stating that a new definition was required by the Constitution.
Speaking after an Oireachtas committee meeting, Mr Ahern yesterday defended a fine of up to €100,000 that will be imposed on blasphemers.
The Government moved to revive the crime by placing it onto a fresh statutory footing following advice from the office of the Attorney General.
Gardai will now have the power to seize blasphemous material from the home or any other premises used by a person convicted of blasphemy.
The proposed law flies in the face of a recommendation by the Law Reform Commission which said in 1991 that there was no place for such an offence in a society which respects freedom of speech.
There are fears that the new offence may be used by fundamentalists to crack down on publication of material perceived to be injurious to faith.
If they ever come to my house I'll be jailed for life!
My thoughts were ...
Monday, April 6, 2009
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